Proverbs
by CenteredObsession
Summary: two entries from Sam's diary. I know i said only one chapter but i just had to add a final one to finish things off. Hope you like it.p.s i corrected a fault in chapter one.
1. Chapter 1

They say better to hold your tounge and be thought a fool than to speak and be proven one. They also say better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But whoever holds there tounge all the time without risking saying something foolish would never talk, and whoever loves and loses will never forget. I would rather be proven a fool a thousand times over than never talk. You could never tell your love without risking looking a fool, or comment on a film, or even a case without risking being shown as a fool. Yet if you risk loving someone and then lose them surely the pain is worse than never loving. Phil doesn't think so, he says "if you've never loved you've never lived"

The problem with Phil is he's loved to much.

Maybe i should have taken more of a risk with him. Maybe i should have given our relationship a try, but the thing is although i can risk looking a fool i can't risk losing a love. I'd rather never love at all.

They say follow your heart and you'll never go wrong. I can't help but regret the fact that i have ignored mine. But Stuart is a nice guy. He's safe, he's not a risk, and i don't love him. Not like i love Phil and that makes all the differance.

Yet it doesn't seem worth it. In protecting my heart from breaking by chosing to ignore it it's hurting all the more. Stuart doesn't have that cute smile, or that warm voice. I don't feel safe with him and he doesn't make me felel all warm in side.

In romania i could never have survived if it had been Stuart beside me, I think he would have been freaking out more than me. We'd have both been shot dead when that man shot through the window at me and even if we survived that no way Stuart would have found that little bed and breakfast or stayed there if he had.

Maybe it is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. Or maybe it's better to just ignore these little proverbs and start broadening my mind with koans.

After all whats the sound of one hand clapping?


	2. Chapter 2

**I know i said one chapter only but i couldn't resist adding this last one. But thats the end, i swear.**

Reason says we'll never work.

I spent the last few days watching Phil, we were working together on a fire arms case. Every time Phil flirted with the pretty informant we had to make frequent visits too it killed me . But every time he flirted with her he glanced at me. This little look barely noticable. Like he wanted to see my reaction. Wanted to make me jealous.

And i couldn't take playing it safe anymore. I couldn't take standing there with him so i walked. Went home in the middle of the day, forgot i was meant to meet Stuart for lunch and just sat by the river. Its so peacefull there, so calm and dark and inviting. Not for suicide no but to swim. I just wanted to dive in and swim, swim forever and never look back.

It hit me that i was hurting myself and Stuart more than a short relationship with Phil ever would. And it hit me that i'd rather die tomorrow after an hour with Phil than live 100 years with Stuart. It sounds so stupid and romantic, like something from a disney film. Reality isn't as magic as disney but why shouldn't it be? After all Phil says "Life is what you make it,"

The problem with Phil is he makes it too much.

Then it happened. I heard footsteps behind me and looking up i saw Phil. Wordlessly he dropped a c.d in my lap turned and walked away. It was a blank c.d, one that you burn your own songs onto. Curious i walked to my car and put it in the cd player.

_Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do  
Nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you _

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping on words  
You've got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do  
Nothing to prove  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
Everything she does is beautiful  
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do  
Nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

_(You & Me - Lifehouse)_

He always did like those big romantic Gestures. That's the differance between me and Phil. He risks everything to show his love, risking losing it and looking a fool in one. It's what i like about him.

Reason says we'll never work. I'd rather not listen to reason.


End file.
